WHAT HAPPENED AFTER YOUR SPEECH AT THE SZFE PROTEST IN OCTOBER 2020?

In November, we left the university and Freeszfe was established. Through the diploma salvation program, I graduated as a theatre director from the Mozarteum University Salzburg. Last summer, I went to pick up my diploma: I wandered alone in the corridors, not speaking German. There was a girl who barely knew English, she asked if I was a freshman too, I told her: no, I came for my diploma. It was very strange to conclude my five-year program after about seven and a half years, in a foreign country, at a foreign university. My life for a while revolved around Vas Street and its 600-meter radius. Even today, I miss a sense of closure from my university years.

DID YOU HAVE CLASSES AT FREESZFE? WAS THERE A TRADITIONAL DIPLOMA DEFENSE?

Yes. But then there came a point when I felt it was necessary to step back from it all. True, this came with a sense of guilt, because I was known as someone who perseveres until the end. I think differently now: A revolution or fire should be made by those who still have the spark.

WHY DID YOU START TO FEEL THE NEED TO LEAVE? WERE YOU BORED? DID IT SEEM HOPELESS? DID YOU FEEL THAT NOT ENOUGH PEOPLE STOOD WITH SZFE STUDENTS?

I didn't feel abandoned, nor disappointed. More like I was mentally wearing down from what was happening. Especially during times when we suddenly had to stay home due to Covid while the world, and our lives, were also changing rapidly. After the October 23rd demonstration, for a short time, people recognized me on the street, and strangers on Facebook congratulated me, which really affected my sense of reality. I needed to catch my breath.

DID THE PERSONAL AND COMMUNITY SUCCESS OF THE PROTEST MAKE YOU CONSIDER MOVING TOWARD A MORE PUBLIC, POLITICAL CAREER?

I never thought I would need to replace an artistic path. But the idea tempted me because I felt that those deeply involved in public life, like us, should take on more responsibility. The SZFE events encouraged us to believe in change. If all the acquaintances of all my friends want change, then it must be in the cards. After all, it cannot always be what it is now. We believed in change: why couldn't it come now? Viktor Orbán says: the essence is to trust me. But he still convinces many people to think uniformly. On the other side, there are rethinking and dissolutions from month to month. I believe in a world where there is room for doubt and debate. But it seems that valuing this instead of seeing fragmentation and uncertainty really is a minority privilege. After the 2022 election results, I sank deep emotionally.

DO YOU THINK THAT THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN THINGS YOU DID DIFFERENTLY? ATTILA VIDNYÁNSZKY AND THE SINCE-DEPARTED CHANCELLOR, GÁBOR SZARKA, EMPHASIZED THEIR WILLINGNESS TO DIALOGUE, YET THE UNIVERSITY OCCUPIERS CONSIDERED THEM ILLEGITIMATE AND DID NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM.

It might seem like a pessimistic assumption, but I don't think doing anything slightly or significantly different would bring us closer to achieving our goals. It seemed like a settled match that met unexpected resistance. It's a big question what would have happened if we had stayed despite the Covid law tightening.

SINCE THEN, WE HAVE SEEN STUDENTS SPRAYED WITH TEAR GAS. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THOSE WHO REMAINED AND OF THOSE WHO STARTED AT SZFE SINCE THEN?

I've wrestled with similar questions over the past year during my forced break. I realized that tension or hatred only moves us further from any future consensus or dialogue. Or simply from a walk on a Budapest street where people smile at me because everyone feels safe - not just physically, but mentally too. I don't want to be the kind of lady who slaps a Freeszfe sticker on her rear windshield and still spits at those who go there 60 years later. I've forgiven everyone but the "actual perpetrators"; I may not be ready to give them absolution, but I've come to terms with those who eventually didn't decide to join us, and with those who've applied since. Maybe even with those who teach. It's another project for me to forgive those who agreed with us but still applied to SZFE in that critical first year.

YOU PICKED UP YOUR THEATER DIRECTOR DIPLOMA IN SALZBURG. YET, YOU TOOK A FORCED BREAK. WHY?

To maintain myself, I had to take on more projects than what would allow any one to be truly heartfelt. I was burdened by not seeing the way out. Then unexpectedly, love came along. A Hungarian boy living in London. Jumping into my first relationship and getting away from here seemed like a short-term solution to all my problems. So, in October 2022, I finished my last project and haven't taken on more except when László Bagossy invited me to direct in Stuttgart with a classmate last summer, where he became a theater director. It was an exciting scenario where three Hungarian directors attempted to instruct 15 German actors in English. According to audience reactions, it was a success.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN LONDON?

I never really saw when there would be a chance for me to learn to cook. This has now happened. I watched movies, vacuumed. I didn't think I was too emancipated for the household role, nor that I needed such a mental break and also to experience something essential from the female principle. I wouldn't want this to be my life career, but it's been good to take care of someone, to make their lunch and hang out the laundry.

ARE YOU COPING WELL WITH COMMUTING BETWEEN TWO COUNTRIES?

It was much harder to commute weekly between Pécs and Budapest. It has been enlightening and not very easy to move into an environment where I have no social network. I learned a lot about myself, including that I had never initiated friendships. Even though I thought I was a born freelancer with a leadership spirit, without someone to outline tasks and boundaries for me, nothing happens.

WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS?

I'm currently waiting for a visa; in the worst case, it might get processed by April. The mid-to-long term plan is to have a Monday to Friday 8 am to 4 pm job that we can live off and afford to spend on culture, otherwise there's little point in living in London. In the afternoons, I would like to work with acting groups, building a community for people a bit lost in London. I've learned back home that civilians motivate me more than professional actors when we're so excited about a project that we're even willing to pay for it, and you see the sparkle in their eyes.

WOULD YOU FORM ACTING GROUPS WITH HUNGARIANS?

With anyone.

IN OCTOBER 2020, YOU SAID YOU COULDN'T IMAGINE DIRECTING IN A LANGUAGE OTHER THAN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE.

Indeed, I said that. I haven’t yet tried out whether I can implement the method based on subtleties and linguistic nuances in English with non-native speakers. However, I did gain some confidence in Stuttgart. But I cannot foresee myself ever creating anything without thinking in my mother tongue.

WILL YOU GO TO VOTE THIS YEAR AND AGAIN IN 2026?

I'll definitely vote in parliamentary elections. I cannot imagine starting a family anywhere but in Hungary, but currently, neither can I imagine doing it in Hungary. I am in an exceptional situation with a wonderful family. Recently I realized what a great value this is. It’s hard to think that my potential child won’t know their grandparents or cousins as well as it was given to me. It would be good not to have to socialize in this bipolar mentality and grow up seeing smiling people on the street. I would very much like Hungary to be a country where it is good to live by the time I reach the stage of starting a family. So, I would definitely like to vote for us to move closer to achieving this. And if a chance for government change presents an opportunity, then the motivation to be an active part of development has not at all left me.