Budapest Post

Cum Deo pro Patria et Libertate
Budapest, Europe and world news

How to help your kids be more independent and self-sufficient

How to help your kids be more independent and self-sufficient

Among the many devastating, long-term impacts of Covid-19, the pandemic delivered a one-two punch preventing many children from developing independence and taking on more responsibility.

Lockdowns, remote learning and quarantines placed onerous limits on children's physical freedoms, curtailing their opportunities to do all sorts of things on their own outside home. There were school and camp closures as well as cancellations of playdates, sports games and birthday parties -- the list went on and on. Achieving independence is far more challenging when kids never get away from parents and caregivers.

Furthermore, many of those exhausted and terrified parents and caregivers -- who knew they should be encouraging children to tie their own shoes, make their own lunches, do their own laundry or walk to the store to buy milk -- struggled to find the time and space to invest in teaching such tasks. We thought about how to survive in the now, not what's best in the long run.

Now, as a relatively back-to-normal school year begins, families may have more opportunities, and the emotional bandwidth, to help children become more self-sufficient.

A key piece of maturity is learning how to "make independent decisions and to navigate challenging situations on one's own when necessary," said Karen VanAusdal, senior director of practice at the Chicago-based Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning. Teaching a kindergartner to put their laundry away or get their own plate at a buffet may feel far from the kind of independence they will need to master in adolescence and adulthood, but there is a connection. They are learning to trust their instincts and deal, literally and figuratively, with their own stuff.

They is also seeing how self-sufficiency helps them be part of a community, familial or otherwise. When a child puts away their laundry, their parents have one less thing to do. By getting food at a buffet, they learn a new skill so that a parent might be able to send them back for a plate of fruit salad or cup of coffee. In other words, they are taking care of himself and others. "Independence also allows one to contribute their skills and leadership to solving problems, both individual and collective," VanAusdal said.

Here are ways to approach encouraging independence that aim to meet the individuals needs of each child:

Frame new skills as building relationships with others


Learning how to pack a backpack or pour cereal may count as children becoming more independent, but parents should help them see how these seemingly small acts connect them to others, said Maurice J. Elias, professor of psychology at Rutgers University and coauthor of "Emotionally Intelligent Parenting: How to Raise a Self-Disciplined, Responsible, Socially Skilled Child."

"We human beings were not meant to be independent. It's true biologically, and it's true socially," he said. "We long for and require attachment to other people and to institutions -- home, school, work, community, religion -- that give our lives meaning and purpose."

Frame a new skill so that children see they're taking on a larger role in their families and communities. For example, who bought the food they are using to make lunch? How does making their own bed, or cleaning their room, make mornings easier for parents and caregivers? If your children go to the supermarket alone, don't forget to prepare them to engage and interact with others, Elias said. Did they hold the door open for the person behind them? Did they say please and thank you?

Learning such skills is about common courtesy, Elias said, but also prepares children for a more interdependent future.

Pace yourself


Don't rush to make up for lost time, experts say. Move slowly and respect a child's emotional state and practical competency. "Kids have lost their sense of confidence," Elias said. "Try to let them start with something they will succeed at, rather than throw them right into a difficult challenge."

Encouraging children to tie their own shoes offers them the opportunity to take ownership of a helpful life skill.


With young children, VanAusdal suggests beginning with something as basic as asking them to make simple choices. "Say to a toddler, 'Here are two shoes you can wear today. Which one do you want to wear?'" Making small decisions will help them feel more confident taking on more responsibility.

Pairing these responsibilities with a new privilege can help children feel good about changes, she added. Maybe they don't just cook dinner, for example, but also get to decide what the family eats.

Step back


Adults should give children room to explore their independence, VanAusdal said.

The key is for parents to provide space for the necessary trial and error. "Think, 'Here are two or three places where I can allow my kids to take on more responsibility,'" she said. "Yes, there will be some mistakes, but eventually it will go more quickly." This can be a growing experience for everyone involved.

Adults can also follow their child's lead, said Anya Kamenetz, an education reporter and author of the upcoming book "The Stolen Year: How COVID Changed Children's Lives, and Where We Go Now."

Find ways for kids to take on more responsibility in an area they are already interested in, or that helps them achieve their goals. "My 10-year-old loves the idea of earning extra spending money, so she set up a lemonade stand the other day," she said, while her 5-year-old is "really excited about all the playdates she missed out on, and that's her incentive to start keeping her room clean."

Get organized


Never underestimate the power of the family calendar, chart or chore wheel, Kamenetz said. She suggests relying on children's schedules to create a calendar for new responsibilities. "A new school year is starting," she said, "so it's a good time for a reset."

Find ways for kids to take on more responsibility by letting them explore areas they're interested in.


"Call a family meeting and say, 'Here's what we need to get done around the house? What's your piece?'" she said. These conversions help children see all the tasks that help keep the house running.

Chores are more than arbitrary tasks; they're acts of interdependence. When my sons put their laundry away or bake something with minimal assistance, they're not just proud of mastering a new task. They also feel good because they found a new way to help contribute to the family's collective well-being.

Elissa Strauss covers the culture and politics of parenthood. Her book on the radical power of parenting and caregiving will be published in 2023.

AI Disclaimer: An advanced artificial intelligence (AI) system generated the content of this page on its own. This innovative technology conducts extensive research from a variety of reliable sources, performs rigorous fact-checking and verification, cleans up and balances biased or manipulated content, and presents a minimal factual summary that is just enough yet essential for you to function as an informed and educated citizen. Please keep in mind, however, that this system is an evolving technology, and as a result, the article may contain accidental inaccuracies or errors. We urge you to help us improve our site by reporting any inaccuracies you find using the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of this page. Your helpful feedback helps us improve our system and deliver more precise content. When you find an article of interest here, please look for the full and extensive coverage of this topic in traditional news sources, as they are written by professional journalists that we try to support, not replace. We appreciate your understanding and assistance.
Newsletter

Related Articles

0:00
0:00
Close
European manufacturers against ban on polluting cars: "The industry may collapse"
Turkish car manufacturer Togg Enters German Market with 5-Star Electric Sedan and SUV to Challenge European EV Brands
Christian Brueckner Released from German Prison after Serving Unrelated Sentence
World’s Longest Direct Flight China Eastern to Launch 29-Hour Shanghai–Buenos Aires Direct Flight via Auckland in December
New OpenAI Study Finds Majority of ChatGPT Use Is Personal, Not Professional
The conservative right spreads westward: a huge achievement for 'Alternative for Germany' in local elections
Pope Leo Warns of Societal Crisis Over Mega-CEO Pay, Citing Tesla’s Proposed Trillion-Dollar Package
Poland Green-Lights NATO Deployment in Response to Major Russian Drone Incursion
U.S. and China Agree on Framework to Shift TikTok to American Ownership
Le Pen Tightens the Pressure on Macron as France Edges Toward Political Breakdown
Czech Republic signs €1.34 billion contract for Leopard 2A8 main battle tanks with delivery from 2028
Penske Media Sues Google Over “AI Overviews,” Claiming It Uses Journalism Without Consent and Destroys Traffic
Indian Student Engineers Propose “Project REBIRTH” to Protect Aircraft from Crashes Using AI, Airbags and Smart Materials
One in Three Europeans Now Uses TikTok, According to the Chinese Tech Giant
Could AI Nursing Robots Help Healthcare Staffing Shortages?
NATO Deploys ‘Eastern Sentry’ After Russian Drones Violate Polish Airspace
The New Life of Novak Djokovic
German police raid AfD lawmaker’s offices in inquiry over Chinese payments
Volkswagen launches aggressive strategy to fend off Chinese challenge in Europe’s EV market
France Erupts in Mass ‘Block Everything’ Protests on New PM’s First Day
Poland Shoots Down Russian Drones in Airspace Violation During Ukraine Attack
Apple Introduces Ultra-Thin iPhone Air, Enhanced 17 Series and New Health-Focused Wearables
Macron Appoints Sébastien Lecornu as Prime Minister Amid Budget Crisis and Political Turmoil
Vatican hosts first Catholic LGBTQ pilgrimage
Apple Unveils iPhone 17 Series, iPhone Air, Apple Watch 11 and More at 'Awe Dropping' Event
France joins Eurozone’s ‘periphery’ as turmoil deepens, say investors
France Faces New Political Crisis, again, as Prime Minister Bayrou Pushed Out
Nayib Bukele Points Out Belgian Hypocrisy as Brussels Considers Sending Army into the Streets
France, at an Impasse, Heads Toward Another Government Collapse
The Country That Got Too Rich? Public Spending Dominates Norway Election
EU Proposes Phasing Out Russian Oil and Gas by End of 2027 to End Energy Dependence
More Than 150,000 Followers for a Fictional Character: The New Influencers Are AI Creations
EU Prepares for War
Trump Threatens Retaliatory Tariffs After EU Imposes €2.95 Billion Fine on Google
Tesla Board Proposes Unprecedented One-Trillion-Dollar Performance Package for Elon Musk
Gold Could Reach Nearly $5,000 if Fed Independence Is Undermined, Goldman Sachs Warns
Uruguay, Colombia and Paraguay Secure Places at 2026 World Cup
Trump Administration Advances Plans to Rebrand Pentagon as Department of War Instead of the Fake Term Department of Defense
Big Tech Executives Laud Trump at White House Dinner, Unveil Massive U.S. Investments
Tether Expands into Gold Sector with Profit-Driven Diversification
‘Looks Like a Wig’: Online Users Express Concern Over Kate Middleton
Florida’s Vaccine Revolution: DeSantis Declares War on Mandates
Trump’s New War – and the ‘Drug Tyrant’ Fearing Invasion: ‘1,200 Missiles Aimed at Us’
"The Situation Has Never Been This Bad": The Fall of PepsiCo
At the Parade in China: Laser Weapons, 'Eagle Strike,' and a Missile Capable of 'Striking Anywhere in the World'
The Fashion Designer Who Became an Italian Symbol: Giorgio Armani Has Died at 91
Putin Celebrates ‘Unprecedentedly High’ Ties with China as Gazprom Seals Power of Siberia-2 Deal
China Unveils New Weapons in Grand Military Parade as Xi Hosts Putin and Kim
Rapper Cardi B Cleared of Liability in Los Angeles Civil Assault Trial
Google Avoids Break-Up in U.S. Antitrust Case as Stocks Rise
×